Farm Fresh Blog

This is another Tale Of Two Dogs . . . and some idiots

I was minding my own business, happily eating my breakfast, absorbed in my black & white world of Timmy & Lassie, when I heard the screams . . .

Hear hysterical barking of police dog in outside kennel. See sheep zoom past living room window at the speed of sound. Window is open. Lily-The Border Collie, and Ice-The Black Wolf, who have been watching Lassie with me, run to window as the last of the flock speeds past. Ice leaps through open window. Lily follows.

Leap off couch faster than I thought 48 year old body was capable and begin screaming at dogs. Ice has only run a few feet from the window. Call her back. Lily has kicked into warp drive and is heading off sheep.  Call her back. Sheep are  still screaming.

Is police dog loose?  Holy shit! That would be a bloodbath!

No, police dog is in her kennel, bouncing off the bars like a lunatic. She is high on "sheep crack." Running, screaming sheep have pushed her over her very low threshold. Wonder for a moment if her head will explode. Or perhaps she will have a sheep cocaine-induced heart attack.  Decide that is Other Half's problem. I must figure out why sheep are screaming and running around yard when all dogs are apparently confined.

Whistle Lily up and put her in the house.  She is most disappointed. Put on rubber boots. Yes, it's still muddy. Yes, the weather man says we're still in a drought. Rush through front door in time to see flock galloping past again.  Something is most definitely chasing them.

Briar?

Nope. Briar is still in outside kennel where I locked her this morning so Lily could work sheep.  Briar has decided that Lily's uppity butt aggravates her and has several times attempted to rid this world of Lily's arrogance. Understandably, this doesn't go over well with management. Thus, when Lily is loose, Briar is not, and vice versa.

So back to the original problem:  What is chasing the sheep?

Hear lamb screaming and thumping through driveway.  ???

Yes, thumping.

Lamb finally thumps into view.  Oh dear . . .

Apparently said lamb has been climbing on flatbed trailer which contains junk destined for the dump. She is now adorned with a lovely broken flower pot.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  The pot's got me!  The pot's got me!"

This has resulted in a race to the flock, which is horrified at her fashion choice and has run from her. Thus beginning the vicious cycle. Flower pot chases lamb. Lamb runs to flock. Flock runs from lamb. Lamb follows flock. Flower pot follows lamb.  It is a warm day and the entire flock is now in danger of overheating.

Need help. Do not DARE wake Other Half for this drama. He has been asleep for 3 hours.  Don't want a repeat of the Chuck Episode. Whistle for Lily.  She almost breaks screen door in her haste.

Lily rounds sheep up and holds them. I grab lamb and remove pot. Chaos stops. Just like that. Chaos simply stops.  Enter Border Collie. Exit Chaos.

Put Lily back in house. Let Briar out of kennel. She is ready to stroke with concern for her flock. First she checks out Roanie.

Yes, they are best friends, thus Roanie gets preferential police protection.  She then begins the cautious "I'm not looking at you" game to allow her to get close enough to lamb to check her out.

Lamb freaks.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! The dog's got me! The dog's got me!"

The rest of the flock is unimpressed. She runs to her father. He is the picture of sympathy.

"Shut up and graze, kid."

Briar is satisfied that lamb is fine. She meanders through the flock for a quick check of everyone else.

"Sheep need patience and gentle guidance."

"Sheep are stupid and must be dominated."

And so it goes. Two dogs. Two jobs. Too many idiots in one flock.  All that drama, but in the end, peace is restored, reminding me once again that if you have sheep, you need a Border Collie, and a Big White Dog . . . and caffeine, lots of caffeine.

Note:  This lamb will now be named: Flower Pot

Nuther Note: Police Dog's head did not explode.