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Friday, January 18 2013



I was at work last night, minding my own business, when Other Half called. He was a most happy camper. The rancher next door had caught a hog in a trap and didn't have time to deal with it. He had called asking if we wanted said hog. (And it's Christmas in the Langford Household . . . )

Naturally, being a man recovering from hernia surgery who has been off work for four weeks, Other Half said "Of course!" and called Son to come help butcher (translated: do it for him.) But having his father's genes, it goes without saying that Son also jumped at the opportunity to butcher a hog in the dark, in the cold. Alrightie then.

Since I get my share of blood and guts at work, I wished them the best and hung up the phone.

I didn't think any more of it until I got home. Other Half met me in the driveway. He had that giddy look that men get when they've been doing man-things, and they've still managed to get all their barn chores done before you get home from work. Thus proving that they are indeed, useful creatures to keep around, even when they are only partially housetrained. 

Any homecoming around our house is cause for much canine celebration but on this night I noted the dogs barely gave me much more than a glance and a "Hi Mom, you're home" before they went back to sniffing around the front yard.  It was then that Other Half proudly pointed out that for supper Briar had eaten testicles, heart, and (I stopped listening after that)  I watched the dogs crisscrossing the yard in a mad search for Porky Pig Parts. Oh dear. Then he shared the little tidbit that stopped me in my tracks.

"We had to string him up and butcher him in the front yard. There's still a lot of blood over there. See? Briar has been rolling in the blood."

Ahhh yessss.  Yes, the dog that I just petted in the dark appeared under the porch light.  Blood was smeared all over her shoulders and the top of her head. (the part I had just petted) I mentally flashed forward to dog fights over Porky Pig legs, diarrhea, and dogs rolling in pig blood.

In retrospect, this line of thought merely proves that Other Half and Son are not the ONLY Rednecks in this family. Because although my mind immediately leaped to the problems of mixing yard dogs and butchering hogs in said yard, no other problem sprang to mind.

 Apparently with the recent rains, the regular "butchering oak" in the horse pasture was not an option so the boyz had chosen to use an oak in the front yard. I made mental note that all diarrhea accidents on the carpet were now HIS responsibility.

I still didn't realize how far into the Realm of Redneckdom I have come until Other Half told me about a call he received from a friend of his. It went something like this:

"Hey Man, watcha doin'?"

"Cleaning a hog in the front yard."

"The front yard! You REDNECK M#*@)^ F@%*(! Why would you do something like that in the front yard where people coming home from work can SEE THAT?!"

Hhmmmm... yes, there is that . . . He did have a point. Apparently this basic social grace escaped the entire Langford Clan. I guess nothing quite says "Rednecks live here!" than butchering hogs in your front yard.

And on that note: Guess who had diarrhea resembling Starbucks coffee this morning?

And guess what Dillon found and ate for breakfast this morning?

A Swamp Oyster. Yes, apparently Briar didn't eat both of them and Dillon found a Porky Pig Testicle. He was in heaven. 

That's a good thing too, because we go through 40 pounds of dog food a week. In the 1990's I fed the raw diet. (That was when I had 2 dogs and not 8 dogs.) It was expensive then, and a lot of trouble. Over the years I ended up switching back to commercial dog food and table scraps, but I still believe the raw diet was best for my dogs. And now that we now have so many wild hogs at the ranch, once we're at that ranch full time, our dogs will be eating a lot more raw meat and bones.

The hogs have to be taken out, and we can only eat so much pork. There is no reason not to supplement the dogs with raw meat after our own freezer is full. I even have a second freezer we can use for their pork.  Fortunately the ranch is so remote that the neighbors won't see us butchering hogs in the front yard. But for now, something tells me that as long as we have mud up to our ankles in the pasture here, this won't be the last hog hanging from the oak in the driveway.

"I'm ready to move to the North Ranch FULL TIME!"

Posted by: forensicfarmgirl AT 10:07 am   |  Permalink   |  12 Comments  |  Email
Um - remember when I said I wanted to come and visit for the best vacation ever? Um, well, maybe not so much now. Don't really do raw feeding all that well. Butchering pig in front yard? Well, if you don't do it there, where else would you have done it? Obviously if the appropriate tree wasn't available, one uses the next appropriate tree!
Posted by Beth on 01/18/2013 - 01:04 PM
Oh, my! Briar is literally a redneck! Off topic, but Briar-related: a sweet little short-haired, tan-coloured dog joined our obedience class last night - a rescued stray with the size and body shape of a small beagle, the face of a Chihuahua, and the ears and feet of a whippet. The owner proudly announced that the dog had been DNA tested and was a mix of Chihuahua, Pharaoh Hound, Border Collie, and -- Belgian Malinois. Those part-Malinois dogs do get around. ;-)
Posted by Heather in Canada on 01/18/2013 - 06:17 PM
That last photo is PRICELESS. (And is a graphic example of why I am 'the other kind' of doctor! Eeesh!) -Dr. Liz, who is most definitely of the nerdy doctor variety, and not the blood and guts variety of doctor! :-)
Posted by Dr. Liz on 01/18/2013 - 07:16 PM
Loved this :). More people should be involved in butchering their own meat. And more dogs should get to eat bones and raw parts. With all the feral hogs in Texas, you'd think we could feed all the homeless and poor people and all the shelter dogs too!
Posted by Sharon Martin-Holm on 01/18/2013 - 07:47 PM
I came home to this very scene about two weeks ago. Fortunately, we live about quarter of a mile off the highway. The gut pile became a buffet for the bobcat. The sawed off leg became a dog toy. Oh joy.
Posted by Dani Ezer on 01/19/2013 - 08:15 AM
Yessiree Bob, life in the country... Watch those dogs with a sawed off leg and you remember that dogs really are carnivores!
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 01/19/2013 - 03:37 PM
Hey Heather, did you tell her about Briar's Belgian Malinois heritage? Maybe it was the same malinois? Just sayin'.
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 01/19/2013 - 03:38 PM
Butchering a hog in the front don't mean nothing.... What's important is if you have the washing machine on the front porch. :-)
Posted by Eric on 01/19/2013 - 09:48 PM
I kid you not, Eric, just this week he wanted to paint two old tractor tires white and put them in the front yard for planters. Negative Ghost Rider!
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 01/21/2013 - 09:29 AM
At least the hog spine in the last picture of this post won't be turned in a wall hanger like an old flint-lock or unused cast iron skillets......I hope....
Posted by Eric on 01/21/2013 - 09:45 AM
Just in case people think I'm making fun of this... I would love to have a kitchen where I could hang up the cast iron cookware. As for the flintlock. I do have my grandfather's muzzle loading 12 ga black powder shot gun. It has badly pitted Damascus twist "barrels" and I'd be scared to death of shooting it. The mantle above the fireplace is too small for it...
Posted by eric on 01/21/2013 - 04:03 PM
That hog spine is long gone! On the other hand, I'm a firm believer in using all parts of critters. If I could find a use for it, I'd probably keep it!
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 01/22/2013 - 10:44 AM

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