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Wednesday, December 10 2014

These dogs are polar opposites.

Briar is a thoughtful mountain, slow to anger, but a force to be reckoned with when moved to action. She divides her world as thus:

Sheep & Goats = family
Humans = family
Cows = evil creatures that kick
Coyotes & Other Varmits = need killin'
Stray Dogs = need killin'

She further subdivides the dogs in our household:

Dillon the Labrador: family
Ranger the Blue Heeler: family
Cowboy the Border Collie: can be bullied/steal his lunch money
Trace the Border Collie: nuisance who can be bullied but bites
Aja the police dog: stupid wolf-creature who may need killin' later
Lily the Evil Border Collie: arch rival, snitch, may need killin' when humans aren't lookin'

Lily is the micro-managing control freak. She wants to take names when the teacher is out of the room. She wants to be the hall monitor, the crossing guard, and the teacher's pet. She is a creature of rules. Lily likes knowing what the rules are and she expects everyone to follow the law. Lily is that cop who arrests other cops, she is Internal Affairs. Rules are meant to be followed. There are no exceptions.

This is the way Lily sees her world:

Mommy & Daddy = Gods who make the rules
Grandma = gives treats and fun to visit
Uncle Bubba = provider of circus cookies and snuggles
All Other Humans = not important in my world
Sheep & Goats = are stupid and need to be dominated
Cows = are stupid and need to be dominated
Coyotes & Other Varmits = Briar's problem
Stray Dogs = Briar's problem
Dillon = good for a laugh/hogs the bed, otherwise he is stupid and needs to be dominated
Ranger =  can be tolerated but is a lower life form
Trace = evil bastard
Cowboy = sucks as a herding dog, "go sit in the truck, Sucker"
Aja = stupid wolf-creature who barks in my face
Briar = stupid, stupid, dirty dog who smells like cow poop

Lily and Briar share no mutual admiration. They barely tolerate each other. Lily has no respect for Briar's power and Briar accurately pegs Lily as a bitch. No time was this more evident than yesterday as I fed the dogs. It went like this:

Scoop up dog kibble from bin on porch. Feed Briar on porch. Feed Lily inside house behind screen door. Scoop more food and go to outside kennels. Feed dogs. On return trip hear insistent barking. Not alarm barking. Tattling.

"Quit that! Stop that! I'm telling! I'm tellin' Mom! Mom! MOM!"

Round the corner to see Briar glaring over her shoulder at the screen door. Hmmmmm . . .

Step onto porch and note that I left the lid off the dog food bin. Briar must have been stealing dog food.  Note Lily's satisfied, smug look. The teacher has finally returned and read the list of names. Briar has been bad and Lily is happy to report it.

Lily smiles at me. Briar narrows her eyes and stares at Lily.

 "Snitches get stitches. . ."

Posted by: forensicfarmgirl AT 08:09 am   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Oh the list of characters! Funny!
Posted by Rhochelle on 12/10/2014 - 10:21 AM
Posted by Liz (Vic Aust) on 12/10/2014 - 02:51 PM

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