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Friday, February 19 2010

On Border Collies & Nyquil

The problem with a head cold is that it seems to linger forever.  You have one good day and you think you've seen the end of it.  Wrong.  One good day means you act like business as usual, overdo it, and end up back in bed the next day.

The problem with a farm, is that there is no time off for head colds. You must stumble out and feed the ungrateful masses who will greet you, not with a "glad to see you this morning," but with a "what took you so stinking long?" (except the Livestock Guardian Dog - she is always happy to see you at whatever time you happen to stagger in.)

But have you ever noticed that once you are finally able to bumble through the chores, manage to come back inside and collapse into the loving embrace of your bed, that's when The Thought pops into your head. You know The Thought. (it comes with an ominous drum roll) Everyone with a farm knows this Thought. You have completed your chores. You had enough feed for today.  But there is not enough feed for tomorrow.  Some how, some way, you must drag your sniffling, sneezing, coughing, germ-infested butt to the feed store.

Your mind frantically searches for ways around the problem.  That's when The Thought springs up. In a Nyquil haze, your drug-addled eyes settle on the searching face of your everpresent farm dog. She KNOWS you have a problem. She can sense it.  All good farm dogs have this power. She wants to solve your problem. Nyquil convinces you to explore this idea further. The logic runs like this:

Since the feed store knows your dog, you can simply tie a list around her collar of the things you need. Then you can stay in bed. Yeah! That's it!

Logic rears its ugly head. How is the dog going to get to the feed store, Dummy?  Nyquil assures you that she is smart enough to drive the dually. Logic argues that she doesn't have a Driver's license.  Nyquil puzzles on this for a while. From there, Nyquil takes you on a little daydream journey of teaching Border Collie to drive the dually and take her Driver's test.  Your mind is momentarily hung up at the idea that she is too short to work the peddles, then Nyquil assures you that Blue Heeler can work the peddles while Border Collie steers. Generations of Farm children have already worked out this problem. Then Logic informs you there is NO WAY the state will give a Driver's license to someone so short that she has to have someone else work the peddles. Damn! Nyquil convinces you that the State has a prejudice against people with disabilities.  Nyquil further convinces you that Border Collie and Blue Heeler would look quite fetching as a canine version of Bonnie & Clyde as they motor down the highway in a large white F350, their tommy guns hanging out the window, with state troopers in hot pursuit. This image entertains you for a few minutes as you drift off to sleep. Suddenly, you are jerked out of your mushroom fog.  Border Collie cannot sign the form on the feed store farm account!  She cannot write!

Oh dear!  Nyquil can't seem to puzzle its way through this one. So you pull yourself out of bed, splash water on your face, and drive to the feed store.  As usual, Border Collie is riding shotgun. You sniffle and sneeze your way through ordering feed. Then you happen to mention that you wish you'd been able to stay in bed and send the dog.  The Feed Store Lady assures you that if Border Collie ever comes into the store with an order, they will know that it IS INDEED from you, and will let her make the purchase.  In the back of your mind, Nyquil whispers "Told you so!"

Posted by: forensicfarmgirl AT 10:07 am   |  Permalink   |  1 Comment  |  Email
love it!
Posted by cindy on 02/19/2010 - 08:23 PM

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