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Saturday, March 20 2010
     When you live in the country, there is no shortage of excuses for why you're late. As I
left the house yesterday, I announced to Other Half that I was "ON SCHEDULE" and would
actually manage to make it work on time. (Why do I announce this to the Winds of Fate?
To do so is playing with disaster - or at the very least, spitting in the wind.)
     So since I had properly alerted Fate, I left the house and headed to work. One mile down the
road I heard the laughter.  It was Fate. There, by the highway, were two loose horses.
Great. Just great. If I called the Sheriff's office and then left, they'll get hit. Soooo,
with Fate laughing in my ear, I called Other Half and informed him that I needed his help. Then I
called the office and informed them that I would be, yet again, late. They didn't seem surprised.
Go figure.
     Now I'm not the only person who drags in late, but I always, hands down, have the most bizarre excuses! People who live in suburbia just can't compete. (except for the guy who had a tree limb crash through his house and into his daughter's room. Apparently the limb contained several squirrels who then ran amuck in his house. That, Friends & Neighbors is MY KIND OF
My own excuses ALWAYS seem to involve the farm:
* "Sorry I'm late, the goats got out again!"
* "I'll be an hour late because the paint horse choked on his food and I had to take him to
the vet."
* "No, I won't be able to come to work today.  I fell out of the horse trailer and sprained
my ankle.  Now I can't get my boot on."
* "Hello?  Yes, it's me.  I'll be late again.  I have to bury the old barn cat."
* "Yes, I need to leave early. Apparently my dog is in heat."
* "I have to take tomorrow off.  I need to pick up hay in the field."
* "I need to take tomorrow off.  The weatherman says it'll be a good day for working on
* "My dog just swallowed an entire filet mignon - complete with the metal skewer. I'm gonna be
* "I'm running late. I have to take my Border Collie to the vet to get the cast off her broken
* "Yes!  It's me! Late! Again! (huff puff huff puff) The ponies just got out and I had to run them down."

On the other hand, while the people at work have to deal with my farm excuses, my family has
to deal with my work excuses:
* "No, I won't be home on time.  Some guy jumped off a building."
* "I KNOW you're cooking steak for Valentine's Day, but the Medical Examiner's office STILL
hasn't picked up my dead guy so I'm gonna be late."
* "Can you go by the house and feed the dogs? I caught a Drive-by Shooting and I'm gonna be
here another 3 hours."
* "Would you check on my pregnant goat?  A dumptruck just squished some guy's head. I'm gonna be here a while."
And the list goes on . . .
Posted by: forensicfarmgirl AT 10:19 am   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Lily?!?!?!? What happened? After a minute of freak out, I see she looks younger than her year old now. So what happened?! (note the less freaked out signage) Couldn't have been too hysterical since it's the cutest vetwrap this side of Houston!
Posted by Sue on 03/20/2010 - 02:44 PM
Lily broke her leg when she was 4 or 5 months old because she was leaping to bite at the horses in their stalls. Her skinny little leg slid between the boards and she broke it in two places! Good luck keeping a Border Collie puppy in a cast quiet!
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 03/23/2010 - 02:11 PM

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