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Wednesday, January 05 2011

The day started like every day.  The sun was shining. The birds were singing.  But somehow I managed to miss the ominous music playing in the background.

Stumble out of house with cup of coffee in hand. Stumble over dogs as they race to the barn. Feed sheep. Count sheep. Feed goats.  Drag goat away from sheep pen and thrust her through gate and back on the "goat side" of the fence. Feed horses. Feed cows. Pick up cup of coffee and take dogs on a nice long walk.  Daydream about new Boer goat sire and spring babies. Fail to hear the ominous soundtrack playing in the background.

Go back to barn to turn sheep out.  Note that the annoying bleating of sheep has continued well past feeding time.  Sight in on offender.  Note: Offender is mother of newest baby.  Look for baby.  No baby.  Walk around stall areas.  No baby.  Bleating continues. No answering baby bleating.  Oh . . .  Shit. Something took the baby.  Begin to run around barn yard frantically searching for baby.  No baby.  Reality sets in.  FINALLY hear the ominous music! Stumble in Crocs through mud and sheep shit desperately looking for baby with mother's frantic bleating echoing in my head. 

Realize that Something must have waited until I fed the sheep, and took the dogs (ALL the dogs - including the LIVESTOCK GUARDIAN DOG!) on a walk.  Then Something climbed over the cattle panel fence, grabbed the tiniest meal in the pen and climbed back over WITH MY BABY!!!!

Call Dear-Friend-On-Next-Farm-Over to report the incident while still frantically wandering around pasture in Crocs.   She is on her way over.  Call Other Half. He is at Cow Farm and is about to climb on tractor.  He is now on his way. Call my mother. Turn Livestock GUARDIAN Dog back in with sheep.

Go back in house, change Crocs for rubber boots and set out to find CLUES to identity of Kidnapper/Murderer.  Decide against taking gun because Kidnapper/Murderer is LONG GONE with his free meal by now. Have burning hatred for coyote/bobcat/Boogey Beast, but grudging admiration for that kind of intelligence. Bleating of mother sheep is deafening.

Decide to carry Blue Heeler along in search for CLUES.  Blue Heeler immediately begins chasing cattle. Call him repeatedly.  Watch him ignore multiple requests to cease his idiotic antics and return to the serious search for evidence.  After cows are chased into another pasture, he returns. Regret not bringing gun. Throw Blue Heeler out of pasture.  Walk around studying every muddy footprint behind barn.  Walk into hot wire.  Cuss.

Stop in center of pasture and stare back at sheep in paddock.  Note Livestock Guardian Dog ambling around. Note that dog seems unconcerned. Note that sheep seem unconcerned.  Note two tiny lambs racing through the paddock. TWO tiny lambs . . .  TWO???  All other lambs are big.  Note Hysterical Bleating Mother is silent.  What tha?   Walk fast toward paddock.  Start to climb through fence.  F**K!  Hotwire.  Find another spot to climb over fence. Definitely TWO tiny babies.  Holly, the Chrstimas Day baby is bouncing across the paddock, stride for stride with a tiny running mate - a tiny little running mate that looks suspiciously like my Kidnapping/Murder victim.  What tha???

Walk among sheep.  Yep!  Baby has returned. Where was he? Ponder possibilities:

1) Boogey Beast had a change of heart and returned Little Tyke  (not bloody likely!)
2) Intrepid Explorer crawled through cattle panel gate in anticipation of being released into sheep paddock (since that's what we'd done EVERY day of his very short 3-day life already!) He then made his way through the goats, and into the sheep paddock which is the ONLY area I didn't check thoroughly because what coyote takes a baby lamb to the sheep paddock to eat it?!!!
3) God just enjoys jacking with me and listening to new cuss words.

We definitely need to come up with a name for this lucky little explorer.

Posted by: forensicfarmgirl AT 09:13 pm   |  Permalink   |  5 Comments  |  Email
If girl "Dora the explorer" just finished cataloguing this kids book in Greek.
Posted by Liz (Vic Aust.) on 01/06/2011 - 12:29 AM
Oh my, how awful! I'm so glad it all turned out okay. Are you naming him? I was thinking since it was male, that you'd be selling him? I'll have to think on a name, so many choices for a crafty, smart, sneaky one.
Posted by CeeCee on 01/06/2011 - 07:00 AM
I would normally sell all the boys, but decided to keep several of this crop as wethers to use to wean babies, babysit ram, and work dogs. I am beginning to consider "explorer" names. At the moment, I am watching him through the kitchen window. He is nursing happily - healthy and very much alive. (mutter mutter mutter . . . these critters will send me to the nut house.)
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 01/06/2011 - 10:28 AM
Edmond Hillary Teddy Roosevelt I'll keep thinking.
Posted by CeeCee on 01/06/2011 - 11:56 AM
I like "Marco" the Explorer. What do you think?
Posted by Lynne on 01/06/2011 - 12:20 PM

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