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Saturday, April 23 2011


Bertha is one of the latest additions to the farm. She is a nice ewe but has a loud mouth.  Seriously. That's what the lady told me when I bought her. 

"She has a loud mouth.  She will just stand in the pasture and holler for no particular reason. No lost lamb. Not hungry. Just screaming to hear herself scream."

 If her mouth is empty . . .

. . . she's screaming.


Since I have another one just like that, I wasn't too concerned. So I brought her home and plunked her in the paddock with the weanlings, where she would fit right in. So what if she screams?  Everyone in there is screaming.  But yesterday . . . oh dear!

Yesterday the weanlings and Bertha, were in the back yard and I was plinking away on the computer.  I heard Bertha on the porch screaming.  I checked her.  She was fine.  She was peeking through the dog nose smudges on the sliding glass door.  Once she saw me, Bertha was convinced that this indeed, was the pickup window for the drive-thru restaurant and amped up her screaming. 

The Border Collie was beside herself.  She is the self-appointed hall-monitor/taker-of-names-when-the-teacher's-out/crossing-guard kid who firmly believes that it is her duty  to make this farm run as tight as a battleship, and sheep begging at the back door did NOT float.


I ignored Bertha and went back to typing. The Border Collie settled down under the table.  And that's when I heard it . . . the unmistakable sound of someone trying to break in the house!  YES!  I KNOW!  Can you believe it??!!  That stupid ewe was banging the glass on the back door. 

Aging Sliding Glass Door vs Hooves & Forehead of Impatient Sheep = Catastrophe

I couldn't get out of my chair fast enough.  It clattered back as I catapulted across the room.  Border Collie led the way.  Fortunately before either of us could get there, my Livestock Guardian Dog took care of the problem.  Believe it or not, this creature can move very quickly.

Just as I rounded the corner, I saw Briar body-slam Bertha. Normally she wouldn't consider bouncing a full-grown ewe, but in the instance, even the DOG knows sheep who bang on glass doors end up in freezers! Border Collie was voting for this anyway.  She was livid.  I flung back the door to verbally abuse the sheep and Bertha grinned at me,

"There you are!"

Lambs were gathering on the porch to see what Bertha had found. It was definitely time for some Border Collie intervention.  I gave the word, and she moved them off the porch as Bertha was placing her order in the drive-thru window.

"I'll have some alfalfa.  I said, ALFALFA.  Hey! Is this thing working?  I said 'I'll have some alfalfa. Hold the fries."

(And to answer your questions, "No!" Bertha was not a bottle baby. She came off a 600 acre sheep ranch.)


Posted by: forensicfarmgirl AT 10:12 am   |  Permalink   |  5 Comments  |  Email
This post just cracked me up! Love to hear a recording of Bertha. Well, then again, maybe not! :)
Posted by Lynn on 04/23/2011 - 10:06 PM
Hey, looks like my Painted Desert sheep Larry! He's LOUD too. It's such a shame, cuz he's pretty. Really pretty, like yours. But LOUD. He just hollers and hollers. Just to hear himself, I guess. Thanks for letting me know it isn't just Larry.
Posted by sue on 04/24/2011 - 01:14 PM
Hey Girl - I still have a hole in the drywall of my front entry way when our sheep body slammed himself on our front door, busted the door open, and walked in the house. We were letting him snack in our front yard and he decided whatever was in the house must be better than flowers and grass. I only had one sheep but good Lord he was 100% trouble. Can't imagine more than that!
Posted by Jennifer Stewart on 04/26/2011 - 03:11 PM
Ohmygosh! Let's not let he and Bertha together! They would be a pair!
Posted by forensicfarmgirl on 04/26/2011 - 04:16 PM
I have 3 pet sheep and the middle one, who is 5 months old and STILL ON THE BOTTLE is a screamer. He starts screaming at 5.50am for his bottle. He screams for each bottle after that (the reason he is still on the bottle at 5 months is we live in town and when he screams for a bottle, it can be heard 2 blocks away!). He screams like his throat is being cut if we get into the car to go out. He screams with joy when we get home. Interestingly, he makes a multitude of different noises, way more than just the usual 'meh'. Different situations will cause him to make different noises. The getting home scream is more of an excitement noise than the DON'T GO scream. The I want a bottle scream is a deafening BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
Posted by Jane in Aus on 04/27/2011 - 12:39 AM

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