Farm Fresh Blog

In any relationship, there must be give and take. Most of the time this is done to keep the peace and make life simpler . . . other times, it's a pure business transaction. Such was the case this weekend.

To get to the main gate of the new ranch, you must go through two gates and a cattle guard. People don't just casually show up there, so imagine our surprise when we return from a visit to the neighbor's place to find a pickup truck parked outside our main gate and the combination lock un-done.

Four-wheeler tracks lead from the truck into our property. Since I had locked the gate when we left, this does not bode well . . . for the person or persons poaching on our property.

The hinky part is the fact that they had the lock combination. How odd. Perhaps someone we know? But everyone we know with the combination ALSO has our cell phone number! And they know we carry guns and have a pack of hounds. Escape is futile. (grin)

On the off chance the trespassers were the deer hunters who had left feeders and a blind on the property, we drive to the blind. Voila! Friendly deerhunters are finally taking the stuff they left three months ago. They wish we had arrived an hour earlier before they disassembled feeder and blind. They had wanted to sell us the stuff to avoid the time and effort of recovering it, but didn't have our number. How odd. Other Half had wanted to buy it, but didn't have their number. What good fortune for both sets of men! They agree on a figure of $1300 for the purchase of feeders and blind.

Men began to set them up again.  I sit in the mule contemplating this business transaction. Realize that Other Half plans to use the RANCH account checkbook to purchase items for hunting when I, myself, don't really give a darn about hunting. $1300!  THIRTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS! WTF!!!

Very Astute Husband notes my change in mood. As he and men put up VERY EXPENSIVE ITEMS FOR MURDERING INNOCENT ANIMALS, I contemplate the purchase and decide then and there that at this point, if I wish to buy $1300 worth of lavender plants to dot the roadways of the ranch, Other Half has absolutely NO LEG to stand on in objection.

In fact, I could purchase $1300 worth of damned near anything that he didn't want, and he couldn't say anything about it. Mood is improving slightly. (Except for the fact that I cannot think of anything I want to spend that much money on.)

Decide that watching men work is not my idea of fun. Announce to Other Half that the dogs and I will drive up to Moss Bluff to check some rosemary I planted last month. He reminds me to take a rifle in case we run into wild hogs. (very dangerous creatures- especially to dogs) Offers to give me his bolt action something or other. I decline.

Unsaid:  I am a handgun person. In order to take a rifle to Moss Bluff I must go back to camp and get one of his precious AR-15s and load it. I have unloaded many AR-15s at murder scenes, but have never loaded one. He has never given me a lesson on how to use this beast, but I figure that loading one must be the same as unloading one - just backwards. 

Assure him that we will be fine. He gives me The Look.

The Look says, "I won't 'front' you in front of total strangers, but can you load a strange weapon and use it to protect yourself and the dogs from wild hogs?"

I assure him that Lily and I have it under control. He nods. Clearly he has his doubts. I drive off with renewed determination. Go back to camp. Find gun. That's a start. Find magazine. Halfway there. Pop magazine into gun. Almost done. Hmmmm. . . bullet should be in chamber. Check that safety is on. Point gun at mattress in case there is a boom! Rack gun. Hear bullet slide into place. Double-check that safety is on. Connect sling. Okay! Gun has bullets. Bullet in chamber. Safety on. We're in business! Head to Moss Bluff.

Woo hoo! Happy with gun. Bounce down path, happy that if we encounter hogs we now have the firepower to deal with them. Announce to Lily that we're stealing Daddy's gun. Lily allows as how that is a good idea.

Arrive at the Bluff and check rosemary. Lookin' good! (i.e. Not dead yet!) No hogs. Good. Didn't really want to deal with three dogs and a herd of Ole-Yeller-Killin' Wild Pigs. Want to shoot New-Gun-That-I-Have-Just-Decided-To-Steal-From-Husband. Opt against it since the sound of a rifle shot will cause him to worry. Instead the dogs and I return to Working Men. 

Men share a beer with Other Half and then leave with their money. I then inform Other Half of the current power shift. He reluctantly agrees. Clearly he has been ruminating on this fact too. He avoids subject by inquiring about any problems loading AR-15.

"Of course not! I've unloaded bunches of these things. Just do the same thing, but do it backwards!"

He nods. He hasn't thought of that.  Smile smugly. Chock one up for Girl Power! Inform him that now I wish to shoot gun and have decided to steal said weapon from him. His mind leaps to the obvious conclusion. I hear it clear into place like the bolt of a rifle.

"YES!!!  I will trade her my gun (that she would have taken anyway!) for the $1300 of hunting things she didn't want!"

He suggests trade of gun to balance purchase of hunting things. (that he would have purchased anyway!)

I make a show about weighing it. Reluctantly agree. He is happy and quite relieved that we didn't have to spend $1300 on some frivolous woman thing. I am happy that I got a gun I wanted. Decide now is a good time to press my luck. Tell him I will only agree to trade if he puts fancy laser sight (that Son told me about) on said gun. Where red dot is - bullet goes. Sounds like a nice toy to me. He agrees. What man wouldn't? In his mind he just saved himself $1300. In my mind, I get a tricked out gun in exchange for something he would have purchased anyway.

As we drive off to shoot my new gun, I ruffle Lily's ears. Soul Sister smiles and assures me that getting a rifle to protect her from hogs was a good trade.